eager to find

its raining and 2 hours more to dawn...3 16am,a dark hostel room(thanks to the electricity),a poorly shining light source and a busy laptop...(a sleek sony vaio)...oh n yes the thunder...n myself to fit into this mundane scene.
what am i up to at this  anti snoozing hour!yes--defines the nocturnal characteristics in me.but that isnt a worry...worry is d mind full of thoughts am carrying with me...phew was just shocked for a moment,this lightning and thunder are adding weightage to my already heavy thoughts...
well like u even i seem confused about my late retirement 2 my blog but situations around me have forced me to think and rethink...does it happen to u  too that you endleesly seek an answer to an already answered question expectant of your perfect answer and only dismayed at final outcome...hey hey whats this,this cant happen to me again...uh uh uh..cruel life...dint even let me browse the initial speck of overflowing emotions in me...this time thanks to d flickering light of my priced sleek gadget ...phew it wil be dead in few minutes from now...hope not the questions,apprehensions,emotions and hope in me...     
                                                              

                                                                                                          to be continued...

(LONELINESS)

Yes i fear this word,

Yes i fear to face this world.

At times when alls still and all is wild

I feel it inside me clear.

At times when all are here,

When i am being cared

I feel it inside me deep.

It is this fear that makes me not trust,

Not sing along the melody gale,

Not swing along the happy sail,

Not love the loving soul.

What is this fear,why is this fear,

The question being the answer to self,

The steps retraced when steps paced ahead,

The mocking fate prying around,

Its hard,its never the same.

If i could,yes,if i could,

Rewrite my story again,

I would start from the place i began.

Erase, what is called PAIN,

Thrashing loneliness to oblivion

And just a little love to gain...

(another phase of our lives which sometimes sojourns in us or may even rest deep seadtedly)

A DAUGHTER’S PROMISE TO A FATHER

                        No matter how hard the blow might be,

                            It won’t be harb to shatter your child ,

                      For its the same courage you instilled, its the same

                             Blood running my vein.

                      Your words are those verses for me which have

                             Taught me to face the crowd,

                      Your support is that wall on which i can lean

                              Upon when all others have demolished.

                       Life has shown touch pictures to you,

                              it was never a smooth run,

                       it was a struggle for every single pence,

                               censure and betrayal weren’t uncommon,

                      So it is natural dear father

                             for you to be apprehensive....

                     to fear about my future ,my fate.

                       Dear father, its a promise today,

                            i wont disappoint you,

                        won’t let that pride fall,

                     won’t be hurt by any emotional upsurge,

                         won’t be tired to reach my goal,

                     and finally won’t step behind

                              to fulfil all your dreams

                  -won’t fall short to be fit enough

                          To call myself a good daughter.

                                                  A daughter’s earnest desires from the deepest core of her heart!

                                CITY(GUWAHATI)BUS AND ETC ETC......

Is there a space to breathe? Grab that seat at cost...man overtake...Chandmari,Adabari...(yell...even though there’s no vacancies)...Apuni olop heifale jaboniki,baideo olop humai jao bhitorole...chaala bhaara nijor morjit borhai lou je tohoti...busot eman hubidha lage jodi nijor gaari jaaok...

           Well thats just an excerpt of a daily motion city bus movie...needs no premier, needs no ads...Everyone here in guwahati have been a silent or hollering spectator cum audience to the series of events unfolding in a city bus ride here in this massive city.

           Nothing new,least to ponder upon...but something certainly is...

Like the other day,i was sitting by the window seat luckily(coz there was not a millimetre of the bus unoccupied) and there was this fat lady in her 30s seated just beside me.suddenly there was rough movement on her part,the effect being displacing me from my position towards  the body of the bus...that almost infuriated me and called forth some action on a thinny-minny’s part...but wait,coz what i saw next in the scene baffled my senses.

           Here enters the protagonist(non fictional)...a man in his 40s,all in action constantly rubbing himself against the lady’s poor shoulder.my reaction was...pause...beep...pause...

He was just using the crowded bus to his advantage to satisfy his dumb and dead private part, must have been left unsatisfied by his spouse, or must have had a fight, or must be a pervert, or must have been aroused by the cleavage of the busty lady he had been prying from the start...

Was that  even a place to enhance his libido...a city bus...

The whole act kept me wondering and wondering and much more when the man followed the lady to her bus stoppage...he must have been charmed and armed...

            As for me, i was alarmed ...

                                                                                 Happy and safe journey!!!

14/07/2011

                              The old man and the weighing machine 


Quite an unusual title and probably a tricky connection.Should be coz it made a lazy girl like me wake up from the bed at midnight(its 12 30am now) n grab hold of her notebook..
I don't know whats making me do so.But this old man,the person am talking about  has gripped my thoughts even at the dead of the night. He is none other than the person i have been confronting for the last 12 days on my way to the training.

Whats so special about him?Nothing at all.Plain shabby clothes ,wrinkled face,tattered bag(yet stuffed) and yes the weighing machine...
At an age where he should have enjoyed a cool drink,rocking to the tune of his armchair surrounded by babbling kids(grandchildren),he is here under the scorching sun,with a worn out black umbrella,to protect his half dead skin,expectantly waiting for skinny and plump customers who are conscious about the hyped thing called weight.


I could feel the thirst of his eyes,the pain of sitting by the footpath the whole day long to earn a 2rupees for each weight the machine measured.That was so tragic...a 2 rupees!!That meant a total of 50 customers would fetch him a mere 100!!Did he even reach that jubiliant stage,I wonder..


 I couldn't pity him coz he was not a beggar.he was earning his own bread and heaven knows maybe even his family's,I guess,or who else could have retired to such a harsh work in the sun with a load of a weighing machine with only a crutch to support the dropping weak body.His poor appearance reflected through his stuffs too-the cigarette lighters,the atm holders,all failed to attract the passersby and remained  there displayed throughout the day, only to be packed in the evening and taken back.I could hardly see his dark big lips open for a smile.


But i was fortunate...yes I was..coz I saw him smile at me when I weighed the bones in me..49.5kgs  he uttered to me.. I gave him the 2 rupees he deserved....n in the 12 days of my training at maligaon,I weighed myself 3 times only to see that smile on his face and the....49.5kgs.....:)

flashback-12/03/2009

                                                               CROSSROADS
         


 Exploration amidst the cloudy sky
led me to the bridge fetching the horizon
glad i was to see the earthlings ,like me,
reaping to the fruits of labour.


the sky vieled by clouds
blurred my vision
took me ahead and then steps further away,
so far,lest my feet tread the bridge and
enliven me to my mission.


i had will but wretched ways,
i had dreamt but only to be hypnotised,
i had desires but no supporters to sympathise,
i wished to beckon but none to listen to me,
two minds,two hearts,two tales to tell,
of a zestful soul and the inflowing hail,
of a pitied life stormed by uncertainty
all dipped in the hues of the sun,
FROST had penned,frowned,sighed or laughed
and as him ,i too stand at the
           crossroads of my life.......
       





(dis poem is a dedication to d phase of our lives where we are presented with varied options and all choices lies in our hands n
dat juncture is- d crossroads..
n perhaps i share d same vision as Mr. Robert Frost himself wic might have inspired him to pen,'The Road Not Taken'.)


  

d inception

new start,new ideas,new outlook....all lies in--xpressionsss